Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
