he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
