dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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