i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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