garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
