Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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