even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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