i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
