Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
