My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
