Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
