kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
