All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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