he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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