I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
