i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
