i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
