yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
