I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
