ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
