dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
