So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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