Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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