Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
