she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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