Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
