Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
