My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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