my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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