White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
