My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
