My liver just broke up with me...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
