Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
