yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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