She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We are two peas in an std pod
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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