How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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