yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
