did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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