my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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