I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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