I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
