Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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