i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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