u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
