Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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