TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
