i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
