the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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