I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
