Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
