My sheets look like a crime scene.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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