She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
