Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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