soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If its not for food we ain't going out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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