I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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