It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
