im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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