do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Success! We fucked roommates!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
